Optimism vs pessimism

A repost of my thoughts to a Fathers support group...

Dear Fathers of the Very young. Stick up for yourselves very early on. Or later you too will likely be the sufferer of the “I’m the better nurturer” crap that women have falsely been able to claim as their own high ground.

14 years married. 12 year old son. 7 year old son. Wife has been messed up “I’m the better nurturer” type for years. She even scuttles my authority to make decisions stick about the house.

I am regularly depressed by the horrific abuses I get mentally in front of the kids by the Mrs. And never ever an “I’m Sorry” will come from her lips. Somewhere in her past the ideas of apologizing was stomped out of her. Part of the macho take responsibility or your actions or a Psychology class that had a professor experimenting with new Ideas? I don’t know. But I do know that we live in a beautiful house in a not so happy emotional home.

A couple of nights a go after dinner I got to spend time on the sofa with just me and Thomas. We snuggled and tickled and laughed at a good TV show. America’s Funniest Home Vids with a big end of season finally. Then the Mrs. walks in and has her head full of all this hatred and angry thoughts that she must have been ruminating about, while watering in the back yard, and unloads on me. I was berated and put down and ordered to do the dishes and to dam well do them right now.

How depressing to ruin Thomas and My night just for the dishes. Later while I was hoping to cap a night off with a bedtime story with Thomas once she walks into the bedroom and starts ordering us around and countermanding each of the few things I had gotten Thomas moving on. I left the room. I try my gosh darn best to not ever put her down in front of the kids but it is Just the opposite for her.

I am surprised often that the same woman that will Ragg on my for not reading the “parenting books” she picks out will not read a passage I point out in one I like. She will not watch “Nanny 911” or the show “Super Nanny” that is on TV.

As I see it she may be afraid that she see proof that she is not entitled to be as arbitrary and mean and dogmatic as she has been.

I long for joy, play and relaxation around the house. Not worry and anxiety and living as if on egg shells. Then told that I’m the one needing to go see a shink.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I am struggling with my inner voice often. Trying to keep my inner commitments I made to my boys and my marriage and my house.

Then not forgetting to keep a little for my inner happiness via a boat trip or fishing or work out at the dojo. The counselor we used to see told me when I had a session one on one… regarding my efforts to always try to please her… “Stop It.” To do some stuff to please me now and then.

So I have set my goals better and try to focus on the needs of Dad, the Boys and then of the house. And then and Wife. Gets me through the week a lot better.

Not perfect. Just my built up calluses from being rubbed raw over the years.


Thanks for letting me share.
Thanks for the many good posts.
On… http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FathersRaisingSons/

If not for finding some like minded and helpful Dads…
I may have been really lost.

Sincerely Keith <”><